early morning stuffs [23 Nov 2005|09:56am] [ mood | numb ] [ music | Nickleback - Photograph ] if anyone cares, i've decided to try and quit smokeing. It's been hard to, what with the mess of stress this simester has brought to me. I dont try and downplay my part in it at all, no sir, what I did or did not do is irrelivent, I broke someones heart and I still feel like the lowest of the low, I know she still veiws me with a level of hatred and thats ok....she's earned the right to do that after what happened. And hey, she's happy and thats all that matters to me, regardless if I dont like her boyfriend at all [for reasons that stretch beyond the fact of the two of them]. But hey, i've got Red, Abdull, his brother,Nate and those guys in the chatbox, those are some of the best friends I could ask for, they've been there for me when I started to question who was standing on what side of the line. They agree with me on veiws of certain unnamed individuals, and that helps the venting process a whole lot. This whole situation has forced an evolution in my personality that i'm not entirely sure is a good thing...sure i've got my anger problem under controll for the most part....but I feel hollow, empty and alone...like part of me is dead to the world, I feel numb and cold and the things I once did with a passion I find no pleasure in, like the cigs and the occasional drink, which is why i'm quitting. I hope I can, it'd be nice to be smoke free and with the ban going into effect here soon in my state, hell, better now than later and cost myself a hundred dollars or more post comment

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